


Justification

by cydonic



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-20
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-11-08 04:19:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cydonic/pseuds/cydonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With every meeting Amanda got a little closer to breaking him down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Justification

Maybe God was on Adam’s side this time.

Reid couldn’t say for sure – he didn’t believe in God – but it was certainly a convenient occurrence. There were several cases of kidnapping and murder in Corpus Christi, where Adam’s father lived. It had struck another chord with Amanda, who _again_ preached the wrongs of the world, insisting Reid made the world ‘right’ before Adam was allowed back out. Reid had shaken his head, trying to ignore his slowly diminishing willpower, limiting their visits to half an hour. If Amanda stuck at it for long enough, Reid knew he would eventually cave in.

He had the chance now, to do what Morgan had told him he couldn’t. He couldn’t save them all, Reid knew that (and every time it came up, he couldn’t help but think of Hankel - _Tobias_ ), but if he could only try, wouldn’t that be good enough?

Reid’s ringing cell phone interrupted Amanda’s rant about the disgusting world they lived in, and he held up a finger to silence her. “JJ?”

“Hey, Spence, we’ve got a case,” in the background, he could hear papers flipping. “Corpus Christi Bay Area, wheels up in a half hour.”

Amanda looked a mix between insulted at being interrupted, and curious, waiting with an impatient pout. “Actually,” Reid began, wondering how to word his answer. All these visits, they’d been getting more and more frequent. Only a three hour flight, really, but it was becoming a near-weekly occurrence now. Reid couldn’t expect them to take the fact that he was visiting Amanda without some problems. Morgan, at the very least, would give him a talking to – Hotch and Rossi, too, most likely. He had to cover quickly, brilliant mind scanning through the flaws in every potential scenario cooked up. And then – “I’m in Vegas.”

“Oh.” JJ said, and then another, more sympathetic, “ _oh_.”

“Oh no.” Reid said, following JJ’s jump to the circumstances of his visit – the worst circumstances. “It’s not – it’s nothing like that. Don’t worry. I’ll just meet you all there, okay?”

The relief was evident in JJ’s voice, and Reid hadn’t noticed the complete silence on the other end until JJ started shuffling through papers once more. “Right, well, I’ll text you the address of the precinct we’ll be stationed at. I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

“Okay. Bye.”

The dial tone was an immense relief.

\---

_“No.”_

_Amanda’s eyes fluttered – eyelashes weighed down with clumpy mascara. “But Doctor Reid,” she began, in her familiar Southern drawl, “you cannot expect me to bring Adam back into a world so…_ wrong _.” Amanda punctuated the end of her sentence with a flick of her cigarette, loose ashes floating down to the ground. Both occupants of the room sat on the lounge, Reid stiff-backed and pressed against the armrest, whilst Amanda lounged. A small television played the evening news, which the two watched with interest, making appropriate (and inappropriate, on Amanda’s part) quips and comments._

_“And you cannot expect me to do something wrong just to change your mind.” Reid replied, able now, after so many months, to finally remain firm with Amanda. It was only because she held something over him – Adam – that she felt she could convince him to do her will._

_Reid had to admit that he had, on several occasions, succumb to her desires. Maybe he could witness just one flicker in her eyes to show him Adam was still there, eager to live his own life. It had all made it worthwhile for Reid. Who cared for some cheap make-up, or a couple cigarettes, or even a miniature lighter, hidden from security?_

_“Doctor Reid, what I’m asking of you isn’t wrong.” Amanda said, with a light chuckle, stubbing her cigarette in a near-full ashtray. It smouldered between the dull grey ashes – a bright, orange spark. “He beat his wife. He killed his son. He deserves to_ rot _for the rest of his life.” So quickly, Amanda’s voice had lost most of its charm and turned to vocal poison. In another matter of seconds, she was back to herself – if it could be called that. “Be that underground, or otherwise.”_

_Reid rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the explicit implications of Amanda’s speech. “If he’s been released, it’s for a reason, that’s how the system work-”_

_“-_ No _.” Amanda stood abruptly, fake, caramel curls bouncing against her dressing gown. “His ex-wife lives in fear now that he’s released._ Fear _.”_

_Reid sighed. “I’ll admit, that’s not ideal, but there’s nothing I can do about it. For all we know, he may be reformed.”_

_Amanda gave an amused snort, reaching into her pockets to retrieve another cigarette. “If you insist, Doctor Reid.”_

_“I do.” Reid got to his feet, assuming he had overstayed his welcome by how antisocial Amanda had become. “Remember to call me, should you decide to do the right thing.”_

_There was a click, and the smell of cigarette smoke began to fill the room. Amanda took her time, inhaling and holding it, before blowing out a smoke ring. “You call me if you decide to do the right thing, too, Doctor Reid.” Reid reached the door, and turned to give Amanda a final glance, when she smiled at him. “Adam would love to hear about it.”_

\---

Both parties remained in silence for a moment, and then Reid cleared his throat.

“You’re in Vegas, Doctor Reid?” Amanda’s question was laden with sarcasm.

“Only for a couple hours more. We have a case in Corpus Christi.” Reid knew that this was a fragile topic for Amanda – he didn’t need her stiffened shoulders to tell him that. But it did help.

“What sort of a case?”

“JJ is going to send me the details soon.”

This didn’t satisfy Amanda’s need for curiosity, but she quietened down. They had their inklings about the case – the one that had been on the local news lately, the kidnapping and subsequent murder of two children. Both she and Reid waited in a lengthy silence for his phone to chime – a message. With some apprehension, Reid slid open his phone, scanning through the long message in a matter of seconds.

He had a feeling this would happen. And, judging by Amanda’s look, so did she.

“Child abductions. We’ve got two bodies, and another victim has just been taken. All dumped in the bay area.” There was no use tiptoeing around the issue. One way or another, Amanda was going to find out. And she was clearly not impressed with what she heard.

“Were they abused?” Her words were clipped short, mouth set in a firm line.

“Both bodies show signs of, ah… physical and sexual abuse.”

Amanda’s deepened. “Cause of death?”

“Different. Victim one appears to have been starved to death, whilst the other suffered extensive blunt force trauma to his head.”

Reid was subject to a pointed stare from Amanda, who was not moving an inch. She did not toy with a smuggled cigarette, or twirl a chunk of fraying, fake hair around her polished nails. It was as if she had ceased breathing and become a statue – motionless and terrifying.

“Right.” Reid said, collecting his satchel from beside the lounge they were seated on. “I best go cancel my return ticket, and see if JJ has organised a hotel.” Amanda said nothing, and Reid lingered for a final, awkward moment, before turning on his heel and making a beeline for the door.

\---

_They met every week, when Reid wasn’t otherwise occupied by a case, paperwork, or studying. From that first meeting, Amanda had been blunt about what she wanted. Her conditions weren’t hard to figure out – she wanted Reid to kill a man released from prison, simply because of past injustices. There were obvious reasons as to why Reid couldn’t do that – the first being that murder was – surprise, surprise – a punishable offence. Reid would lose his life: his job, his friends, everything he had._

_Reid knew right and wrong, and yet he knew that his refusal was keeping Adam locked away for good. That was, perhaps, worse than murder – at least in Reid’s mind. Speaking in the hypothetical instance of him actually killing somebody (without it being a life or death situation) the deceased would have no family to mourn him, and nothing more than a legacy of pain to leave behind. And yet Adam, a man who was (again hypothetically) innocent was being held captive by Amanda. It was almost a hostage situation, and whilst Reid could talk most people down this was too much of a challenge._

_What it all boiled down to was this: would Reid kill a criminal to free an innocent man?_

_And when he got to the very mechanics of it, Reid’s mind frightened him with its answer._

\---

Reid knew he wasn’t alone.

Or wouldn’t be alone for very much longer.

There was a collection of footsteps, heavy and light, echoing down the hall. Since Hankel, Reid had made a point of sticking with the group – not running off ahead. But this time was unusual – this time he was on his own, ahead of the group and face-to-face with their Unsub, Kyle Martin.

Amanda’s voice hovered at the edge of his mind, whispering, _“if you decide to do the right thing”_ in her put-on drawl.

Martin’s weapon – a pistol – lowered a fraction, yet Reid did not let his aim waver. Adam was the pull of a trigger away. And so was the team. If anyone saw him shooting without any immediate danger Reid would be, at the very least, put under heavy scrutiny. Everything he worked for would unravel: the Dilaudid, the Clean Cops meetings, _everything_.

Would he give up his entire life for Adam’s?

Now Reid’s heart began to drown out the sound of footfalls, ten, a _hundred_ times faster than the steps gathering just a few strides away. It was a cacophony of sound, all bearing down on Reid’s mind. Then there was Amanda, the click of her fake nails when she tapped them impatiently on the table, or lit a cigarette, joining in the disharmony.

Before Reid, the Unsub lowered his weapon a little more and began talking, but it was no match for the dissonance in his mind. Reid grit his teeth, steadying his aim, and vaguely registered Martin’s shocked look as he took a step back, raising his hands in a quick, sloppy surrender.

Morgan, heading the team, skidded to a halt as Reid fired. Martin crumbled to the ground.

\---

_Amanda had one leg propped up on a footrest, the fabric of her gown falling in a way that gave Reid a clear view of her white, smooth thigh. Reid stared her straight in the eyes, as she ran a hand back and forth over the perfect skin. “You can smuggle razors in now, Doctor?”_

_Reid glanced away, the act of bringing contraband in to a convicted criminal against his moral code. “You promised me I could speak to Adam.”_

_“I know I did.” Amanda said, leaning back in her arm chair, stretching herself out like a satisfied cat. “But we don’t all keep our promises, do we?”_

\---

Reid was facing the door – a door he did not plan on seeing again for the rest of his life. Amanda had betrayed him, completely and utterly, but the fact also remained that he – Spencer Reid – had killed a man. Not an innocent one, not by any means. But a man nonetheless. A man like him – two arms, two legs, everything exactly the same, if not out of proportion somewhat. Conceived and born the same way he was. They had accepted his reasoning – he was alone, threatened, and had fired – but the team was now on eggshells around him. Their concern was nothing compared to the guilt that settled heavily across his shoulders, nor the pain in his heart when he realised Adam was being denied freedom – again.

“H-hey!”

It was probably for the best, though: Martin must have known what happened to paedophiles in jail. No matter how innocent he tried to look in those final seconds, he couldn’t want to spend the rest of his life there. And then the citizens of Corpus Christi would be better off, able to sleep now that the streets were a little bit cleaner. So Reid had done Adam and the Corpus Christi community a great service. And even Martin himself, to an extent – he would suffer no more, now.

“Wait.”

There was something different in Amanda’s voice, and it caused Reid to turn, hand falling from the doorknob.

And it was still physically Amanda – the fake hair and the fake chest and the fake nails, it was all her. But it was the face that got Reid. Amanda’s ( _Adam’s_?) eyes were wider, softer, and screamed confusion. His whole face radiated it – one could tell by his tone of voice and slightly open mouth, Adam was completely mystified.

“Adam?”

Reid didn’t know what to think, because Adam’s shaky nod was enough to justify murder.


End file.
